Thursday, April 24, 2008

Actively Atkins

I'm trying something new. Well, it's not really new, but to me it is. It's the Atkin's diet.

It seems to make sense that if I eat extremely low carb/no carb, maybe I can forgo a good bit of insulin (AKA shots/lows). My only major problem (besides my love of bread & crackers)? I don't really eat meat. So I'm trying to come up with new and good foods to add to my new daily routine. I love fish, so that's a given, and of course, while I'm not a huge fan of nuts, walnuts are now a good snack substitute.

Another question I have is the inevitable, do I need insulin with this, and how much? I responsibly asked my doctor about this, and he got very upset about the idea. Seems he is not a fan, nor is the nurse he sent in to "set me straight." So I have no help from the medical profession, but I know there have to be other people out there with diabetes who follow Atkins, right? I still don't understand why everyone seems so against it.

By all means, if anyone out there has gone low carb, and has suggestions, please let me know. I would be terribly grateful.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

You have to be kidding me!

OK. In the spirit of my new positivity, I planned on calling the Psychologist on Monday. I pulled out the sticky note and stared at it for a minute. Two hours later, I got up the nerve to actually pick up the phone and dial. Four rings and I hung up. That felt like the longest four rings of my life, and before the 5th rolled around, I knew it wasn't meant to be.

Heck, what do I need to see him for! right??

Three hours pass, and I try again, determined to do this. After ring TWELVE, the answering machine picks up, and if you think I'm leaving a message then clearly you don't know me. I mean does anybody even really work there?

TODAY: After much internal debate and serious struggle, I try again. Eureka! There is actually somebody on the other end. This was by far the ONLY ANSWER I received today.

I asked the woman politely if Dr. B. was accepting new patients, and if he accepted my insurance. She didn't reply to the first question, but told me "the group" took my insurance. She then told me she didn't know if he did and put me on hold for 25 minutes. She then directed me to my insurance co., to ask them if he was a participating provider. I also found out, that without insurance, he was $175 per 45-50 minutes. I am SO in the wrong profession. With my insurance, it would cost me a $50 copay. much better.

I knew that referral to my insurance spelled trouble. Last time I called my insurance co. about insulin pump coverage they told me they didn't know what pumps they covered. I should call my DME provider, as they are 100% in charge of getting/approving a pump?.? These are the same people who send me my strips and needles a week late, and bill me for self administered injestions.

I, in a very positive way, go ahead and call the insurance customer service. Again, I was told they didn't know (SHOCK!). First, they told me to call the doctor and ask him. When I explained to them that the doc's office told me to call my insurance co., they directed me to the group which employs the doctors. A 1-800 number, option 2. So I dial that number and hit option 2. I was presented with 3 new options that had only to do with medicare. MEDICARE???

OK. So I dial the # again and listen to all the options (again 3). 1- For employees 2- For medicare 3- for employers/doctors referrals

I press 1?? And get a person. YEAH!!!

"I'm trying to find out if a doctor is on my insurance's provider list, can you help me?"

"Sure, what is his name?"

"Dr. B"

"Could you give me a phone # for him, so I can verify that this is the right Doctor?"

"Sure, it's xxx-xxxx"

"Yes he is a provider." And she hung up.

Now, tell me if I'm crazy, but all she told me was that he was a doctor." I KNEW THAT! She never asked me my name, address or most importantly MY INSURANCE CO!

Now, besides thinking that while phones work great for communication, people really stink at it, I firmly believe this was not meant to be. I shouldn't need therapy session just to get me to the therapist in the first place!

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. maybe.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Incredibly Late

Once again, I'm so very late to the party. I'm late to this wonderful meme that Beth tagged me with, and even to Raise Your Voice day created by Kerri. That is an absolutely amazing event she started, and I'm just now making my way through all those powerful and touching links!

It's been awhile since I've blogged or even truly engaged in my daily check-ins with all the wonderful writers who blog on the DOC. I'm not sure why. Or maybe I am.

So many things have happened, life has caught up and slowed down, like I'm racing on a faulty treadmill, all the while never seeing any change of scenery. I have run to my laptop many times desperately wanting to unload and write, but after booting it up just couldn't find the words. My thoughts just seem too fast,too cluttered and too many to sort through.

Like many things in my life, sometimes it's just easier to compartmentalize aspects of my life that are too difficult, emotionally stressful, or just too time consuming to deal with. Lately, that has been my entire life, and right now, it seems I'm just pushing through to the next minute, hour or day that creeps up. AND THAT IS JUST NO LONGER WORKING FOR ME.

Evidence in point, my diabetes. Yes, I'm diabetic (I have to keep telling myself this). It has become my mantra, as of late. Yes, I'm really diabetic...check your sugar....take your insulin...count those carbs...and breath. Stress is apparently a very serious danger to the diabetic. Case in point, yet another trip to the ER for dehydration and high blood sugars. At least I got to leave after 11 hours in the ER, so thankfully no hospital stay, but still this added even more stress. I had gotten so busy and distracted with work and freelance deadlines that I just stopped checking my BGs. Every now and then when I would check it, it was always in the upper 300's to 400's. My first thought, my meter is sooo off or I must not have clean fingers. It wasn't until I realized I had lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks, that I actually checked for ketones and of course had them. To make a long story short, I postponed seeing the doctor for work reasons (even after they offered to fit me in) until I was sick and he sent me to the ER.

Then I was angry, at all the money the ER and all the follow-up visits were putting on me, as well as the time involved. In truth the anger was about me, and all the trouble that could have been avoided with some care and simple stress management. I can no longer pretend that my diabetes isn't a priority in my life. I'm really dense and late to that realization as well.

The hardest part now, is the fact that even when I take care and time to tend to my diabetes, it still doesn't behave the way I want it too. Too little insulin and I run high, definitely not enough internal production to keep me afloat. With the larger doses that my doctor wants me on, it seems some of my beta cells perk up a bit, and suddenly there is a surge and unexpected low. I feel like I have lost all control, and that makes me so unsettled. Most of these days, getting online for support, even if it means enjoying all my favorite blogs, has just been too difficult.

This week,I have finally taken the serenity prayer to heart. I've also been reading A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. My goal now, is not to change what I can't, but accept and move forward. In that light, I have gotten the name of a therapist who has dealt quite a bit with diabetes, and he comes with the highest regard. I have also consulted with my CDE and dear friend, who has helped me quite a bit! Tomorrow, I am taking a deep breath and finally making the call to the therapist.

I guess today I am Raising My Voice about type 1 diabetes and now what it means to embrace it as a part of me. In the spirit of Beth's meme, here are my six words.

Learning To Love, Living Out Loud.

These seem to be the most appropriate to my life today, and seeing how late I am, I won't pass it along since most people have already received the tag. Thanks Beth! It is a hard meme, but well worth the challenge.