Sweet Sound of Laughter

It was the sweet sound of laughter that rang throughout my Aunt's house yesterday. Kid's playing tag and running through the halls testing everyone else's balance. We adult's were sharing our own stories of work and play as we caught up with one another. Grievances and Thanksgiving War stories were traded and created. For instance, my mom argued with me for over 25 minutesm telling me my gas tank was empty. I actually had over half a tank, but she refused to lean over and check until we had arrived at our destination. Then she said she saw that I had gas, but of course refused to say she was wrong. Note One: Mothers are never wrong...don't even try to correct them.

Our family is quite small. There were only twelve of us, including the five children present. The food spread told a totally different story. We had enough food to feed an army, including a massive fried turkey, and a honey ham. Believe it or not, but there were not even leftovers. Our family CAN EAT!

Up until this year, the holidays have been a little tense. After losing both of my grandparents, the glue that held our family together seemed to fail. It was as if there was an emptiness, certainly not the same. This year that cloud lifted.

Everyone was at ease, and kids always seem to bring such new life and vibrance to the family. Especially the youngest. He is not even a year old, but had us all laughing 'til we hurt. He would rock back and forth and just smile so wide. I now consider him to be our little rock 'n roller.

Family can sometimes drain you, but this was soul satisfying. I am so thankful to have that time with them. With all that excitement, my blood sugars didn't even phase me. I survived my first official Holiday in grand form. Can't wait till Christmas.

Oh So Grateful!

A full day of Family, Food, Friends and Fried Turkey. I'm Happy and Exhausted.
I am also truly THANKFUL!

More to com later. Now, I'm off to bed early with work (and a diet!) waiting to wake me from my dreams. Clocking in at a wonderful 120 before my head hits the pillow.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Race to the Holidays

Today officially begins the race toward the holidays. Parties, food, family & friends come and go in what looks like the scenery from a subway train. These are also the days, I can feel my wallet getting lighter as I buy food and gifts for all. Days that I typically live for. I hardly ever get to cook for the masses, and I firmly believe it is WAY more fun to give than to get.


Tonight is a good old fashion Thanksgiving among friends, before we are all pulled away to our families. And while I prepare myself to look my best tonight, my preparation actually began last night at the supermarket. It was my first of many bulk shopping extravaganzas that had to be done at Costcos. Cheese and pasta for massive homemade mac'n cheese, cream cheese for the cake. All in amounts that might carry me through to next weeks parties. As I stroll through the crowd, I see all the lights, and hear the Christmas music echoing. I think to myself, I really need to finish taking down the Halloween decorations (sh!!! don't tell)! I pass the pre-made pies and I'm tempted, but I pass by as I head to the checkout ready to be on my way home.

I cooked my food, and now they are packed and ready to head to my friends. I am dressed and have everything in place ready to make a smooth exit. In fact this year, I am armed with something extra. I tiny little insulin pen that falls to the very bottom of my purse. I am also armed with a glucose meter and new strips. I feel prepared to handle my first holiday meal, with copious amounts of food. There will be grazing, sinful sides and glorious desserts. I wonder, when do I give the insulin? Before the meal at the appetizers? Maybe during the main meal. What about before the desserts which I'm sure will send me skyrocketing. I don't typically eat large meals, especially not ones that will last for hours. Do I take more than one shot, and chance stacking? Tonight will be a testing ground, and I'm so grateful to have my fiance there with me, keeping a watchful eye, in case I get overzealous with the insulin. Jokingly he reassures me that the result of such bolusing, only means more cake, and that can't be bad. I love him for that.

Here I go on the first on many holiday events, and I must admit I'm a little nervous.

"Of All The Things..."

"Of all the things I ever worried about happening to you, well... I just KNEW diabetes was not one of them."

My mom said it to me again today. She has probably uttered those exact words 25 times or more since I was diagnosed. I'm sure she will say them many more times in the future.

Today those words were sparked by a conversation we have every year.
"What are you bringing to Thanksgiving Dinner this year?"
"I'm not sure...probably my beloved cheesecake, or some kind of dessert", I said.

Every year the family travels out of town to have the holiday with the rest of my family. My Aunt, cousins and their kids are all in attendance. It's been tradition since my grandparents were alive, and we still continue it.
I asked mom what she was cooking, and she answered," I don't know, what can you eat? Aunt V also wants to know if she needs to prepare something special. Do you really think you should bring a dessert? You can't even eat that, can you?"

I was speechless, but not because I was angry or mad. This disease has had a huge impact on my mom as well as me, but I became aware that this holiday will be different. Maybe not bad, but different. Everyone knows. Will they stare? Will they ask questions? Will they pretend they don't know?

When things happen in families, there are always whispered words behind closed doors. I know, because I usually hear about them when they are about me. "Mandy looks too thin, is she eating well? etc..." This time words have taken a weird turn.

I should start out by saying, my mom's denial has actually been much greater than mine. "We just don't have any of that in our family. You're not a kid...that only happens to kids. I've NEVER heard of anyone who takes insulin having to take more than one shot a day. You have always eaten too much candy" She is by definition that ignorant/large part of the population who just doesn't know about the disease. I was like that too, BEFORE. She, for awhile, had me truly questioning my DX. She had me thinking I was a type 2, regardless of my weight, lifestyle or test results.

My Aunt has apparently joined that type 2 bandwagon. "She can't have type 1, surely she can just cut back on her sugar intake." And her best quote (with good intentions I'm sure), "Is insulin really necessary? Don't you think that might be taking it a bit too far. It can't be that serious. She just needs to eat more protein." This was not long after I was released from the hospital after more than a weeks stay.

I love them both, and I know they mean well. After today's conversation, I don't know that I feel comfortable around them anymore, especially at a holiday like Thanksgiving where it's all about the food. Diabetes had not actually crossed my mind in reference to family and the holiday season until my mom brought up making special provisions for me. Now it is filling me with trepidation.

Singled out. Embarrassed. Now, not quite sure what to expect.
"Of All The Things..."