3:15 AM

The past week was like a dream I would love to forget. After postponing my call to the Doc, I wound up at the ER in DKA with a sugar level of 874. After almost a week in the hospital, and a lingering sinus infection, I am back at home and work. My fiance T is staying with me out of love and concern for a few days. (He was rather angry with me about the missed insulin doses, while he was out of town. I must remember my life directly affect his and I really do hate to see him worry) Other than this, things should be back to normal. SHOULD.

3:15 AM
The alarm blares. It does not wake me. T. heavily rolls over to hit the alarm and instead he encounters my head, and I am UP. Mission accomplished. T. is less than thrilled though, because he too is now wide awake.
"What in the world? Did the power go out?" T asks.
"No, I set the alarm. Just didn't mean it to be that loud. Sorry."
"why on earth would you do that?" T asks again.
All I need do, is show him the meter. 31mg.
He literally springs into action with juice from downstairs. Admittedly he is a big guy, and I was unaware he could move that fast! I picture him racing after a criminal in hot pursuit, but am brought back by the ringing in my head that clearly was not caused by T's heavy hand. I guzzle the small bottle of apple juice, and I see that T has brought up 3 more.
"Just in case." he says.
I feel groggy, tired and I still can't breathe well, but at that moment I felt so safe. Secure. He was there to wake me up when the alarm clock would not.

After his fear and my low had passed, I explained that with the higher doses, the Doctor wanted me to check my 3:00 AM numbers. Especially since my doses should come down, once I am well and my numbers are stable. To see the fear in this strong man's eyes was a little haunting, and I know it will be difficult convincing him I'm OK to stay by myself.

It had me thinking all day about it. It's true, that when we're married I will have fewer nights alone, but with the amount of time he travels, it won't be much more. I wonder what kind of strain that will cause in the future. Will he worry too much? Will I become resentful that he's not home very often? To have that feeling of security, like I had last night, I am now more aware of how alone (and in truth a little scared) I am, when he's not there beside me.

3:15 AM - The alarm clock went off, but it was today that I woke up.
Things are definitely not the same as yesterday.