And so it starts again. A fresh year, full of possibilities and I have that feeling. You know, the one where you feel like you cam make things happen. It's the feeling one has right before they write out their new year's resolutions.
I don't do resolutions. They seem like temporary goals to me, kind of like the word "diet". They almost imply a transient state, one that is filled with unrealistic goals, impossible to maintain. So this year, while there will be no resolutions, there will be change. there. has. to. be.
I have been in this rut far too long. I can honestly say depression is the appropriate word. I took off for a wonderful week at CWD, and came home to find much of my world had crumbled. It is shocking how things change in just a week, or even a year for that matter.
We had several more pay cuts, massive buyouts, several managers jumping ship, and new managers that are effectively having us walk the plank on a daily basis. Our publisher even resigned, and now walking the floor of work is like walking through a ghost town full of empty desks, and remembered voices. It is stressful and sad, and very hard to not become beaten down. Between work and watching our advertisers who have been in business 100+ years go under, there has been little hope for the future.
For the past 4 months the mantra "Be thankful I have a job and insurance" are constantly racing through my brain, and yet there is little comfort.
Today things feel awkwardly different. Good things are slowly developing, and the new year is already seeing some bright spots.
1st bright spot. HP is FINALLY replacing my laptop!! After it has been sent to HP 4 (yes I said 4) times, and it still not being fixed, they are replacing it with one that is easily twice as powerful. It has been over 4 months of spending weeks at a time without a computer, hours on the phone with several customer service agents arguing over warranty info (it died one month from expiration) and several momentary excitements while it works for just a few weeks. This past Tuesday I picked it up from Fed Ex, and after having it be on for just 10 minutes, it hit a new all time record for crashing after the "blue screen", and later declared "operating system not found". Now I am borrowing my dad's Acer.
But for all the trouble I've been through, I can see a bright side. My case manager is sending me a new one next week, with a quad core, 4 Gig ram, 500 gig hard drive and many other upgrades. All I can think is that God works in mysterious ways. If it had waited just a few weeks to die, there would be no warranty. For it's timing I am truly grateful!
Bright spot #2. I am going back to school. Yeah! It starts next week, and I'm pretty nervous, because it's been sooo long since I've done this. The plan is to get some pre-reqs, and next year take both the MCAT and apply for an accelerated Master program in nursing. I can't keep letting my work stress me out, so I'm pursuing my very first interests in medicine. I have my hopes on the nursing program,. but if I do well on the MCAT, Im totally applying to med school. I'm not sure what the future holds for these careers with health care reform coming, but I'm following my heart.
Bright spot # 3. Not sure how this will fit in with school and work, but I'm dating again. It's exciting, but I'm still taking it slow.
And finally, I'm having an absolute blast playing on my Wii/Wii Fit Plus I got for Christmas. I'm totally kicking it in rhythm kung fu! Beating my blood sugars to the ground!
For everyone in the d-blogosphere, I've missed you and so much of what has been going on. Hopefully this year will bring everyone health happiness and love. It has to be better than last year! Happy New year!!!