I'm trying something new. Well, it's not really new, but to me it is. It's the Atkin's diet.
It seems to make sense that if I eat extremely low carb/no carb, maybe I can forgo a good bit of insulin (AKA shots/lows). My only major problem (besides my love of bread & crackers)? I don't really eat meat. So I'm trying to come up with new and good foods to add to my new daily routine. I love fish, so that's a given, and of course, while I'm not a huge fan of nuts, walnuts are now a good snack substitute.
Another question I have is the inevitable, do I need insulin with this, and how much? I responsibly asked my doctor about this, and he got very upset about the idea. Seems he is not a fan, nor is the nurse he sent in to "set me straight." So I have no help from the medical profession, but I know there have to be other people out there with diabetes who follow Atkins, right? I still don't understand why everyone seems so against it.
By all means, if anyone out there has gone low carb, and has suggestions, please let me know. I would be terribly grateful.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
You have to be kidding me!
OK. In the spirit of my new positivity, I planned on calling the Psychologist on Monday. I pulled out the sticky note and stared at it for a minute. Two hours later, I got up the nerve to actually pick up the phone and dial. Four rings and I hung up. That felt like the longest four rings of my life, and before the 5th rolled around, I knew it wasn't meant to be.
Heck, what do I need to see him for! right??
Three hours pass, and I try again, determined to do this. After ring TWELVE, the answering machine picks up, and if you think I'm leaving a message then clearly you don't know me. I mean does anybody even really work there?
TODAY: After much internal debate and serious struggle, I try again. Eureka! There is actually somebody on the other end. This was by far the ONLY ANSWER I received today.
I asked the woman politely if Dr. B. was accepting new patients, and if he accepted my insurance. She didn't reply to the first question, but told me "the group" took my insurance. She then told me she didn't know if he did and put me on hold for 25 minutes. She then directed me to my insurance co., to ask them if he was a participating provider. I also found out, that without insurance, he was $175 per 45-50 minutes. I am SO in the wrong profession. With my insurance, it would cost me a $50 copay. much better.
I knew that referral to my insurance spelled trouble. Last time I called my insurance co. about insulin pump coverage they told me they didn't know what pumps they covered. I should call my DME provider, as they are 100% in charge of getting/approving a pump?.? These are the same people who send me my strips and needles a week late, and bill me for self administered injestions.
I, in a very positive way, go ahead and call the insurance customer service. Again, I was told they didn't know (SHOCK!). First, they told me to call the doctor and ask him. When I explained to them that the doc's office told me to call my insurance co., they directed me to the group which employs the doctors. A 1-800 number, option 2. So I dial that number and hit option 2. I was presented with 3 new options that had only to do with medicare. MEDICARE???
OK. So I dial the # again and listen to all the options (again 3). 1- For employees 2- For medicare 3- for employers/doctors referrals
I press 1?? And get a person. YEAH!!!
"I'm trying to find out if a doctor is on my insurance's provider list, can you help me?"
"Sure, what is his name?"
"Dr. B"
"Could you give me a phone # for him, so I can verify that this is the right Doctor?"
"Sure, it's xxx-xxxx"
"Yes he is a provider." And she hung up.
Now, tell me if I'm crazy, but all she told me was that he was a doctor." I KNEW THAT! She never asked me my name, address or most importantly MY INSURANCE CO!
Now, besides thinking that while phones work great for communication, people really stink at it, I firmly believe this was not meant to be. I shouldn't need therapy session just to get me to the therapist in the first place!
Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. maybe.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Incredibly Late
Once again, I'm so very late to the party. I'm late to this wonderful meme that Beth tagged me with, and even to Raise Your Voice day created by Kerri. That is an absolutely amazing event she started, and I'm just now making my way through all those powerful and touching links!
It's been awhile since I've blogged or even truly engaged in my daily check-ins with all the wonderful writers who blog on the DOC. I'm not sure why. Or maybe I am.
So many things have happened, life has caught up and slowed down, like I'm racing on a faulty treadmill, all the while never seeing any change of scenery. I have run to my laptop many times desperately wanting to unload and write, but after booting it up just couldn't find the words. My thoughts just seem too fast,too cluttered and too many to sort through.
Like many things in my life, sometimes it's just easier to compartmentalize aspects of my life that are too difficult, emotionally stressful, or just too time consuming to deal with. Lately, that has been my entire life, and right now, it seems I'm just pushing through to the next minute, hour or day that creeps up. AND THAT IS JUST NO LONGER WORKING FOR ME.
Evidence in point, my diabetes. Yes, I'm diabetic (I have to keep telling myself this). It has become my mantra, as of late. Yes, I'm really diabetic...check your sugar....take your insulin...count those carbs...and breath. Stress is apparently a very serious danger to the diabetic. Case in point, yet another trip to the ER for dehydration and high blood sugars. At least I got to leave after 11 hours in the ER, so thankfully no hospital stay, but still this added even more stress. I had gotten so busy and distracted with work and freelance deadlines that I just stopped checking my BGs. Every now and then when I would check it, it was always in the upper 300's to 400's. My first thought, my meter is sooo off or I must not have clean fingers. It wasn't until I realized I had lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks, that I actually checked for ketones and of course had them. To make a long story short, I postponed seeing the doctor for work reasons (even after they offered to fit me in) until I was sick and he sent me to the ER.
Then I was angry, at all the money the ER and all the follow-up visits were putting on me, as well as the time involved. In truth the anger was about me, and all the trouble that could have been avoided with some care and simple stress management. I can no longer pretend that my diabetes isn't a priority in my life. I'm really dense and late to that realization as well.
The hardest part now, is the fact that even when I take care and time to tend to my diabetes, it still doesn't behave the way I want it too. Too little insulin and I run high, definitely not enough internal production to keep me afloat. With the larger doses that my doctor wants me on, it seems some of my beta cells perk up a bit, and suddenly there is a surge and unexpected low. I feel like I have lost all control, and that makes me so unsettled. Most of these days, getting online for support, even if it means enjoying all my favorite blogs, has just been too difficult.
This week,I have finally taken the serenity prayer to heart. I've also been reading A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. My goal now, is not to change what I can't, but accept and move forward. In that light, I have gotten the name of a therapist who has dealt quite a bit with diabetes, and he comes with the highest regard. I have also consulted with my CDE and dear friend, who has helped me quite a bit! Tomorrow, I am taking a deep breath and finally making the call to the therapist.
I guess today I am Raising My Voice about type 1 diabetes and now what it means to embrace it as a part of me. In the spirit of Beth's meme, here are my six words.
Learning To Love, Living Out Loud.
These seem to be the most appropriate to my life today, and seeing how late I am, I won't pass it along since most people have already received the tag. Thanks Beth! It is a hard meme, but well worth the challenge.
It's been awhile since I've blogged or even truly engaged in my daily check-ins with all the wonderful writers who blog on the DOC. I'm not sure why. Or maybe I am.
So many things have happened, life has caught up and slowed down, like I'm racing on a faulty treadmill, all the while never seeing any change of scenery. I have run to my laptop many times desperately wanting to unload and write, but after booting it up just couldn't find the words. My thoughts just seem too fast,too cluttered and too many to sort through.
Like many things in my life, sometimes it's just easier to compartmentalize aspects of my life that are too difficult, emotionally stressful, or just too time consuming to deal with. Lately, that has been my entire life, and right now, it seems I'm just pushing through to the next minute, hour or day that creeps up. AND THAT IS JUST NO LONGER WORKING FOR ME.
Evidence in point, my diabetes. Yes, I'm diabetic (I have to keep telling myself this). It has become my mantra, as of late. Yes, I'm really diabetic...check your sugar....take your insulin...count those carbs...and breath. Stress is apparently a very serious danger to the diabetic. Case in point, yet another trip to the ER for dehydration and high blood sugars. At least I got to leave after 11 hours in the ER, so thankfully no hospital stay, but still this added even more stress. I had gotten so busy and distracted with work and freelance deadlines that I just stopped checking my BGs. Every now and then when I would check it, it was always in the upper 300's to 400's. My first thought, my meter is sooo off or I must not have clean fingers. It wasn't until I realized I had lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks, that I actually checked for ketones and of course had them. To make a long story short, I postponed seeing the doctor for work reasons (even after they offered to fit me in) until I was sick and he sent me to the ER.
Then I was angry, at all the money the ER and all the follow-up visits were putting on me, as well as the time involved. In truth the anger was about me, and all the trouble that could have been avoided with some care and simple stress management. I can no longer pretend that my diabetes isn't a priority in my life. I'm really dense and late to that realization as well.
The hardest part now, is the fact that even when I take care and time to tend to my diabetes, it still doesn't behave the way I want it too. Too little insulin and I run high, definitely not enough internal production to keep me afloat. With the larger doses that my doctor wants me on, it seems some of my beta cells perk up a bit, and suddenly there is a surge and unexpected low. I feel like I have lost all control, and that makes me so unsettled. Most of these days, getting online for support, even if it means enjoying all my favorite blogs, has just been too difficult.
This week,I have finally taken the serenity prayer to heart. I've also been reading A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. My goal now, is not to change what I can't, but accept and move forward. In that light, I have gotten the name of a therapist who has dealt quite a bit with diabetes, and he comes with the highest regard. I have also consulted with my CDE and dear friend, who has helped me quite a bit! Tomorrow, I am taking a deep breath and finally making the call to the therapist.
I guess today I am Raising My Voice about type 1 diabetes and now what it means to embrace it as a part of me. In the spirit of Beth's meme, here are my six words.
Learning To Love, Living Out Loud.
These seem to be the most appropriate to my life today, and seeing how late I am, I won't pass it along since most people have already received the tag. Thanks Beth! It is a hard meme, but well worth the challenge.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Internet Intervention
Wow! It's been awhile.
After a small relaxing break, life suddenly became very busy and hectic. Actually work took a huge turn towards stress. Unexpected book deadlines, and new projects presented themselves in avalanche fashion. It called for an intervention. An internet intervention, that is.
I found myself, diligently working away on my computer only to drift off to Firefox. Sneaky little devil. Leading me to my favorite websites, blogs and links to new websites. Two hours later, I'm tired, it's late and I've accomplished absolutely nothing. Turns out I have no internet control, so I had had to detox.
Now that many of my projects are manageable, and work has slowed a little, I am gratefully plugged back in.
I have to admit how surprised I am that it was so hard to disconnect. I never realized how much I relied on my online sites to soothe me. How much I missed finding out about events going on in the DOC world. It's amazing to me that the voices of so many people I have never really met have such a profound impact on me. I truly look to so many for inspiration, motivation, and encouragement. Imagine all the amazing people I would never know about if we didn't have such power at our fingertips. It's hard to believe those days without the internet ever existed.
I remember only having the library for research. I can't imagine going through my diagnosis today, and only having a cold emotionless bookshelf to turn to. As I approach the big 3.0. on Thursday, I am constantly thinking about the leaps and bounds that technology and invention has taken. Most of all, I am thankful that it has brought me here.
After a small relaxing break, life suddenly became very busy and hectic. Actually work took a huge turn towards stress. Unexpected book deadlines, and new projects presented themselves in avalanche fashion. It called for an intervention. An internet intervention, that is.
I found myself, diligently working away on my computer only to drift off to Firefox. Sneaky little devil. Leading me to my favorite websites, blogs and links to new websites. Two hours later, I'm tired, it's late and I've accomplished absolutely nothing. Turns out I have no internet control, so I had had to detox.
Now that many of my projects are manageable, and work has slowed a little, I am gratefully plugged back in.
I have to admit how surprised I am that it was so hard to disconnect. I never realized how much I relied on my online sites to soothe me. How much I missed finding out about events going on in the DOC world. It's amazing to me that the voices of so many people I have never really met have such a profound impact on me. I truly look to so many for inspiration, motivation, and encouragement. Imagine all the amazing people I would never know about if we didn't have such power at our fingertips. It's hard to believe those days without the internet ever existed.
I remember only having the library for research. I can't imagine going through my diagnosis today, and only having a cold emotionless bookshelf to turn to. As I approach the big 3.0. on Thursday, I am constantly thinking about the leaps and bounds that technology and invention has taken. Most of all, I am thankful that it has brought me here.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Clever
Being a designer and working with mostly retail advertisers, I was unusually amused with this company's approach to humor and their website. I wish I'd thought of this! For something fun on Tuesday check this out.
Some background first:
HEMA is a Dutch department store that first opened November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam. Now there are 150 stores all over the
Netherlands. HEMA also has stores in Belgium, Luxembourg, and Germany. In June of this year, HEMA was sold to British investment company Lion Capital.
Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch
what happens.
This company has a great website designer!
http://producten.hema.nl/
Some background first:
HEMA is a Dutch department store that first opened November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam. Now there are 150 stores all over the
Netherlands. HEMA also has stores in Belgium, Luxembourg, and Germany. In June of this year, HEMA was sold to British investment company Lion Capital.
Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch
what happens.
This company has a great website designer!
http://producten.hema.nl/
Monday, February 4, 2008
My New Mantra
It's just one word, but It does so much.
I have taken the weekend to regroup, stop and breathe. Too many days, I felt as if I've been stretched to the breaking point. It's made me overly emotional, stressed, and has caused me to lose focus on what is really important.
Relax...
I took the weekend to have some much needed me time. I said "No" to the Super Bowl party (and sometimes friends don't make it easy) and I hung out with Zoe and read a good book. Indulged in some very good hot cocoa with extra large marsh mellows, and I feel so good today. It is by far, the best Monday, I've had in a while.
Tonight, weather permitting, I'm going to fall into my Ipod and take a long walk outside. My back-up plan will be yoga. Those poor exercise DVDs haven't seen the light of day in a while.
In days, where everyone and everything is in a great rush, it's worth taking time for yourself.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
250.03
WARNING:
The following post may be long and rambly!
I firmly believe the mind and body respond in ways that are completely entwined in our psyche. I think I now realize why fear grasps me, before I see this particular doctor.
Yesterday, I enter an extremely crowded waiting room, where the man at the front counter next to me makes a terrible joke. The receptionist tells him politely that Dr. A is very behind in his schedule. The man replies, "So does that make his Indian name, Running Late?" I think, he has to be nervous too!
I finally got back into a room, and the nurse takes my dreaded blood pressure. I hold my breath, and the automatic blood pressure machine breaks, while it is trying to inflate. I hear a retching sound next door, when someone grabbed my nurse and stole her away, while trying to get me out of the cuff. "He's throwing up, HELP ME!" another nurse yells and the commotion in the hall escalates.
I sat there, watching my arm turn blue, as I'm trying to restore circulation, and it hit me. The reason WHY I hate this office so much. I flashed back to sitting in the busy waiting room, engaged in my habit of people watching. Two amputees, one apparently fresh, with all of the billowy white wrapped around what's left of his leg. One blind woman was accompanied by her daughter, as well as many older couples with plastic bags filled up completely with medications. Then there's me. In heels, dressed for work, looking much younger than my age, and feeling quite well. I'm sick, but not. That could end up being me. I don't belong here. Suddenly, I wanted to tap my heels 3 times, and pray it will take me home, like Dorothy.
Then the nurse came back. This time, she manually took my blood pressure, and pricked my finger. 5.4.3.2.1..246. Crap! Not how I wanted to start this. She weighed me, made notes and rushed out of the room. Right behind her, a strange doctor entered, and he did not bother to introduce himself. He was curt, got the facts and exited. Then he quickly came back in with my doctor. Interns. Rotations must have just begun, because their was an intern at my last weeks DR.'s visit too.
I won't detail the entire visit, but I have to note that my doctor took way longer than 15 minutes with me, and even with his busy day was pretty jovial. I wonder if that was for the benefit of the intern. Call me a cynic. I did not ask about the pump and I totally chickened out. I was showing him my bruises on the back of my arm, and complaining about the shots, when I was quickly scolded about shot placement. "Why aren't you using you stomach or hips? You don't have enough F. A. T., and therefore don't get good absorption there." What? Totally caught off guard, and a little defensive, any good approach of a pump was forgotten.
Basically, he changed my insulin ratios, and I have to relive the torture in a month. Not what I was hoping for. His last words as I walked out the door were, "Don't forget. CALL ME if you have any problems, I'm here." I picked up my FMLA paperwork (3x I've forgotten about it), and I was somewhat distressed when I left for the lab downstairs. I looked at all the tests he was running, and noticed the code had changed. 250.03. Type 1 diabetic, presenting with no complications, UNCONTROLLED.
My head and heart just fell, for a moment I thought about ditching the lab and running to my car. In one hand I had the FMLA forms, to officially verify that I am chronically ill. In the other hand, a list of blood work to quantify how "sick" I really am. 250.03 and any one of those people with complications in the waiting room could be me. Sneaky and quietly, the diabetes could steal away all those things I take for granted and depend on. Reality sometimes seems surreal. How did I get here? When did this start? AND WHY, WITH ALL THE ATTENTION AND CARE I HAVE BEEN PLACING ON MY D, WAS I NOW DECLARED UNCONTROLLED?
I know my A1C will probably still be bad, since it hasn't been that long since the DKA. I now wonder, what other problems they will conjure up out of those little tubes of blood. I can't believe how hard I'm taking this. I cried last night, and was close to tears all day today, even though I KNOW nothing has really changed since Monday. Seeing the reality of how this disease can ravage a body is daunting, and visiting the endo is like admitting that one day, I could fall prey to those dreaded complications. I left feeling defeated and still unaccomplished since I didn't even ask about the pump.
Interestingly, I came home from work this afternoon, with pen needles and boxes of strips greeting me at the door. I had to laugh. It was odd, that laughter. I think in that moment it was like God was reminding me I had tools to take care. It gave me a small bit if solace and I recited the serenity prayer to myself. I am so lucky to have family, insurance, tools, and a team of health care professionals to aid me in keeping my health good, but I know I will never really be satisfied until THERE IS A CURE.
The following post may be long and rambly!
I firmly believe the mind and body respond in ways that are completely entwined in our psyche. I think I now realize why fear grasps me, before I see this particular doctor.
Yesterday, I enter an extremely crowded waiting room, where the man at the front counter next to me makes a terrible joke. The receptionist tells him politely that Dr. A is very behind in his schedule. The man replies, "So does that make his Indian name, Running Late?" I think, he has to be nervous too!
I finally got back into a room, and the nurse takes my dreaded blood pressure. I hold my breath, and the automatic blood pressure machine breaks, while it is trying to inflate. I hear a retching sound next door, when someone grabbed my nurse and stole her away, while trying to get me out of the cuff. "He's throwing up, HELP ME!" another nurse yells and the commotion in the hall escalates.
I sat there, watching my arm turn blue, as I'm trying to restore circulation, and it hit me. The reason WHY I hate this office so much. I flashed back to sitting in the busy waiting room, engaged in my habit of people watching. Two amputees, one apparently fresh, with all of the billowy white wrapped around what's left of his leg. One blind woman was accompanied by her daughter, as well as many older couples with plastic bags filled up completely with medications. Then there's me. In heels, dressed for work, looking much younger than my age, and feeling quite well. I'm sick, but not. That could end up being me. I don't belong here. Suddenly, I wanted to tap my heels 3 times, and pray it will take me home, like Dorothy.
Then the nurse came back. This time, she manually took my blood pressure, and pricked my finger. 5.4.3.2.1..246. Crap! Not how I wanted to start this. She weighed me, made notes and rushed out of the room. Right behind her, a strange doctor entered, and he did not bother to introduce himself. He was curt, got the facts and exited. Then he quickly came back in with my doctor. Interns. Rotations must have just begun, because their was an intern at my last weeks DR.'s visit too.
I won't detail the entire visit, but I have to note that my doctor took way longer than 15 minutes with me, and even with his busy day was pretty jovial. I wonder if that was for the benefit of the intern. Call me a cynic. I did not ask about the pump and I totally chickened out. I was showing him my bruises on the back of my arm, and complaining about the shots, when I was quickly scolded about shot placement. "Why aren't you using you stomach or hips? You don't have enough F. A. T., and therefore don't get good absorption there." What? Totally caught off guard, and a little defensive, any good approach of a pump was forgotten.
Basically, he changed my insulin ratios, and I have to relive the torture in a month. Not what I was hoping for. His last words as I walked out the door were, "Don't forget. CALL ME if you have any problems, I'm here." I picked up my FMLA paperwork (3x I've forgotten about it), and I was somewhat distressed when I left for the lab downstairs. I looked at all the tests he was running, and noticed the code had changed. 250.03. Type 1 diabetic, presenting with no complications, UNCONTROLLED.
My head and heart just fell, for a moment I thought about ditching the lab and running to my car. In one hand I had the FMLA forms, to officially verify that I am chronically ill. In the other hand, a list of blood work to quantify how "sick" I really am. 250.03 and any one of those people with complications in the waiting room could be me. Sneaky and quietly, the diabetes could steal away all those things I take for granted and depend on. Reality sometimes seems surreal. How did I get here? When did this start? AND WHY, WITH ALL THE ATTENTION AND CARE I HAVE BEEN PLACING ON MY D, WAS I NOW DECLARED UNCONTROLLED?
I know my A1C will probably still be bad, since it hasn't been that long since the DKA. I now wonder, what other problems they will conjure up out of those little tubes of blood. I can't believe how hard I'm taking this. I cried last night, and was close to tears all day today, even though I KNOW nothing has really changed since Monday. Seeing the reality of how this disease can ravage a body is daunting, and visiting the endo is like admitting that one day, I could fall prey to those dreaded complications. I left feeling defeated and still unaccomplished since I didn't even ask about the pump.
Interestingly, I came home from work this afternoon, with pen needles and boxes of strips greeting me at the door. I had to laugh. It was odd, that laughter. I think in that moment it was like God was reminding me I had tools to take care. It gave me a small bit if solace and I recited the serenity prayer to myself. I am so lucky to have family, insurance, tools, and a team of health care professionals to aid me in keeping my health good, but I know I will never really be satisfied until THERE IS A CURE.
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