Monday, December 17, 2007

3:15 AM

The past week was like a dream I would love to forget. After postponing my call to the Doc, I wound up at the ER in DKA with a sugar level of 874. After almost a week in the hospital, and a lingering sinus infection, I am back at home and work. My fiance T is staying with me out of love and concern for a few days. (He was rather angry with me about the missed insulin doses, while he was out of town. I must remember my life directly affect his and I really do hate to see him worry) Other than this, things should be back to normal. SHOULD.

3:15 AM
The alarm blares. It does not wake me. T. heavily rolls over to hit the alarm and instead he encounters my head, and I am UP. Mission accomplished. T. is less than thrilled though, because he too is now wide awake.
"What in the world? Did the power go out?" T asks.
"No, I set the alarm. Just didn't mean it to be that loud. Sorry."
"why on earth would you do that?" T asks again.
All I need do, is show him the meter. 31mg.
He literally springs into action with juice from downstairs. Admittedly he is a big guy, and I was unaware he could move that fast! I picture him racing after a criminal in hot pursuit, but am brought back by the ringing in my head that clearly was not caused by T's heavy hand. I guzzle the small bottle of apple juice, and I see that T has brought up 3 more.
"Just in case." he says.
I feel groggy, tired and I still can't breathe well, but at that moment I felt so safe. Secure. He was there to wake me up when the alarm clock would not.

After his fear and my low had passed, I explained that with the higher doses, the Doctor wanted me to check my 3:00 AM numbers. Especially since my doses should come down, once I am well and my numbers are stable. To see the fear in this strong man's eyes was a little haunting, and I know it will be difficult convincing him I'm OK to stay by myself.

It had me thinking all day about it. It's true, that when we're married I will have fewer nights alone, but with the amount of time he travels, it won't be much more. I wonder what kind of strain that will cause in the future. Will he worry too much? Will I become resentful that he's not home very often? To have that feeling of security, like I had last night, I am now more aware of how alone (and in truth a little scared) I am, when he's not there beside me.

3:15 AM - The alarm clock went off, but it was today that I woke up.
Things are definitely not the same as yesterday.

3 comments:

in search of balance said...

I've never lived alone as a diabetic. I was diagnosed at 23, just a few months before I got married, and Daniel was living with me. I haven't spent nights alone, and it does scare me to think of doing that. I know that if I did, it would be with a system of checks. People who have lived alone seem to be able to do so well, and seem to somehow put that worry away, or trust in their checks, or work through the feelings of uncertainty and fear. I know you both will find a way to do it, too. Asking someone who does it already might be a good start.

There is nothing like the security that Daniel makes me feel, even when I'm in a situation that isn't secure. It warms my heart to read of your feeling that way about your fiance. I hope you guys find the solution that fits for you both.

Jeff said...

Hi Mandy.

My nightstand holds several tubes of glucose gel, at least one full bottle of 50 tabs, one or two Capri Sun foil juice packs, and an (out of date) glucagon prescription. NancyTW has pulled my arse out of the fire many times using these items over the last 12 years.

When she is out of town, I have to deal with the possibility of having to treat myself, but I have also learned to trust my instincts before turning in for the night.

If my sugar before bed is 75, and I had a high protein dinner, I probably would not have very much (if any) OJ to bring the 75 up, knowing that the steak I ate isn't finished with me yet. If I'm at 180, and had lots of quick carbs and no protein for dinner, I might not take much (if any) additional insulin at all.

Over time, we have to learn what works best for ourselves through experience, trial, and (yikes) error. God bless our significant others who often shoulder so much of the load, too.

Mandy said...

Beth,
That low has at least started a dialog between us. I think it scared him a little more than I even realized.
I know we'll find a solution, and I'm hoping my blood sugar starts behaving a little better.

Jeff,
Funny thing. T. sprinted downstairs for juice, when I had glucose tabs and skittles next to his side of the bed. I just didn't think to tell him. At least I know he's great in a crisis!

I've read that raw cornstarch is good at preventing lows. Doesn't sound that appetizing though.