The One Word Meme

OK, So first I have to show the scary creature greeting my guests at my Halloween Party on Friday. For the record, she's a vampire, but her hair seem to overshadow the cute little bugg-eyed hat. Oh well, I was afraid (of how upset she looked in the costume).

Next is the one word meme floating around, that Sara tagged me for. I wish I had paid more attention this weekend because it would have been a great start to a month of blogging. I had planned to NaBloPoMo this month like last year, but Nov. 1 came on a Saturday...Oops. Too late now.

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your significant other? who?
3. Your Hair? brown
4. Your Skin? transparent
5. Your mother? caring
6. Your favorite thing? family
7. Your dream last night? wierd
8. Your favorite drink? diet
9. Your dream/goal? happiness
10. The room you’re in? bedroom
11. Your ex? married
12. Your fear? failure
13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? settled
14.Where were you last night? church
15.What you’re not? afraid
16.Muffins? BLUEBERRY!
17.One of your wish list items? cure
18.Where you grew up? South
19.The last thing you did? ran
20.What are you wearing? sweats
21.Your TV? occasionally
22.Your pets? spoiled
23. Your computer? overheated
24. Your life? strange
25. Your mood? content
26. Missing someone? brother
27. Your car? Accord
28. Something you’re not wearing? contacts
29. Favorite Store? Forstalls
30. Your summer? quick
31. Like someone? possibility...
32. Your favorite color? Red
33. When is the last time you laughed? recently
34. Last time you cried? fortnight
35. Who will respond to this? anyone
36. Who’s answers are you anxious to see? yours

Wonderful Days Off

Waking up late and gradually starting my day with a hot, creme brulee flavored coffee. Staying in my pjs until I've finished with breakfast. Reading the newspaper and seeing the ads, instead of working on them. These are just a few reasons I thrive on just having one or two random days off.

I am about to go to the park with my puppy, snacks, blankets, and a good book to just read under the trees. I feel such freedom, and I feel a little like I'm playing hooky that just heightens everything I couldn't normally do on a Thursday afternoon. Later I will pack up and run with Chloe in an attempt to thaw my undoubtedly frozen behind. I will stay up late tonight watching scary movies knowing that I don't have to work tomorrow either. And finally tomorrow I will prepare my house for my annual Halloween party, which is by far one of my favorite holidays. Even getting diabetes could not spoil my love affair with endless candy (and Saturday ON SALE candy) and cheesy scary movies.

Days like this, I now notice, also throw a slight wrench in my diabetes management. Waking up slow and late, while so indulgent, seem to cause terribly high blood sugars that also start off my day. This morning I was a very unhealthy 308, and I had to wait a bit for my insulin to kick in before my coffee and raisin toast. While I usually take my basal in the very early(5am) morning, this 6 hour delay will no doubt keep my blood sugars off track the rest of the day. It is however a small price to pay for my mini vacation, because after all I think every diabetic needs a break from rigid management.

For now I'm off to enjoy this beautiful weather and a glorious day away from responsibility!

One eye open

I am writing this post with just one eye open, in an amazingly dark room. Why?

...because I have apparently developed a very bad habit of sleeping with my eyes partially open. At least that is what my ophthalmologist told me today, after she gracefully worked me into an emergency appointment.

You see, I woke up at 3AM this morning with severe pain in my left eye. It felt like someone had planted glass under my eyelids. Upon waking, my eye would not even be forced open, and was just as watery and painful closed. Light had become my enemy, and with the waterworks also came the runny nose. I swear, I'll never understand how the nose and eyes are connected that way.

Forget about work. I sat in a dark room with a cold pack on my eye, waiting until the doctors office opened. For a while, I considered rushing to the Eye Foundation Hospital's emergency room, but convinced myself to suck it up and wait for the doctor's office to open. My next dilemma, which doctor to see? I haven't seen anything but an optometrist for years. In an effort to be seen today, I called the last eye doctor I remember.

The receptionist answered the call, and I told her my problem and included the fact that I had seen her (the eye doctor) before. It helped! She squeezed me in at 10:30, and I patiently waited until it was time to leave. Of course, I have to drive in terrible rainy weather with only one contact, while in pain, totally light phobic and squinting. I am very blessed I got there in one piece, but not without getting lost. Her office had moved...oops. So I got there a little late, and apologized to the receptionist.
"I thought you said you had seen her before," she said very disgruntled. " I have, but it was a long time ago," I replied. She then said she would check the archives. AND THEY FOUND ME! They had my records back from 1996. I am still impressed. The doctor even remembered me.

So back to my eye. I have a corneal ulcer that is horizontal and placed directly across the center of my eye. How did this happen? Well, the eye doc has seen this before, and thinks I sleep with my eyes partially open. This leaves my eyes extremely dry, and predisposes my eyelid to stick to my eye. When I opened my eye, my eyelid, literally peeled back the top layer of my cornea. OUCH! She continued on to say that it is more common in diabetics, and that it would take longer to heal as well. joy.

For now I'm covered in all kinds of drops and oily ointments, but nothing for pain. I'm also in glasses for at least a month, which means I have to buy new ones. Mine were stepped on and cracked about a month ago. I'll just have to get a very stylish pair of frames, and call it a new look.

On the pump front, I ordered my pump yesterday with mixed emotions. Pure excitement over the pump, but a little depression over my test results. My endo sent me a letter Wednesday with the instructions to order the pump and included my c-peptide and A1C. A1c was good, but my C-peptide was unmeasurable with a fasting BG of 176. 6 months ago, I had a positive c-peptide. I guess I still have lingering feelings that I am not "insulin dependent". Tests now show otherwise. I guess, I knew it was inevitable. Now, I have to wait on insurance approval and waiting is not my strong suit, but at least it's Friday. I have all weekend for my eye to recover without worrying about work. For that I am grateful.

Loooong time - No blog

I woke up late this morning (like 5 minutes before I was supposed to be at work)...
and realized that it was already October.

It's not the calendar that clues me in to this, but the season. It's harder to get up when the sun is still hiding from me as my alarm goes off. It's cooler, with a distinctive breeze that races through my apartment when my windows are open. It's the need to go on long walks in the early mornings or weekends just to be outside with all the beautiful reds and oranges as the leaves change. It is by far, my favorite time of year.

It's interesting to me that this year, it has quite literally snuck up on me. So many things have happened (and are happening) that I feel as if I'm being carried away by that strong October wind.

A quick recap.
1. My workplace has started trimming the fat with buyouts, and I have been on two job interviews in the last week. I'm not worried about my job, but the environment is getting tense!
2. My brother went missing for well over 2 months. I actually had to call the police in Spokane, to go by and check out his house. No help though. His car was gone and it just left us wondering. I found out two weeks ago that he's in China visiting a friend and attending a wedding. CHINA!!! You'd think if you were going to China for months, you would TELL SOMEONE!!! While I'm glad he's well, he might be in mortal danger the next time I see him!
3. I had a long talk with my doctor last week. Just when I'm ready to fire him, he changes. He was so cool, nice, funny and we actually communicated. Turns out, he didn't trust me to be on the pump. He was afraid I would manipulate my insulin, and would not take it seriously. He apparently thought the last time I had DKA, I was deliberately trying to lose weight. Foolish him. So now...

I AM GETTING A PUMP!!!!!

I am waiting to hear from him this week about my updated labs... and then we order the pump!!! He made a follow up for Dec. 2, and according to my nurse, that should be after I've been on the pump for a few weeks. That means I should be using the pump in less than a month. I'll probably be posting a lot during this time. I can't believe how excited I am about a medical device...Sad. Today, it would have saved me. In my attempt to rush to work, I forgot my basal shot. The extra trip home at lunch sucked.

For the record, I woke up at 6:55 am, and walked in the door to work at 7:10. Damn, I'm good!

So Pumped!

Goofy picture aside, I'm so pumped about pumping!

Last week at the CWD conference, I had the unexpected pleasure of trying out 2 insulin pumps with saline. The plan was to ask my doc for a script before the conference, but I sank with intimidation during the actual visit. Fortunately for me, there were nice people available at the various pump companies who were writing scripts. SHHHH! Don't tell. Imagine my surprise when the rep said, "do you want to try it?" -Yeah!

In my excitement to try the pod, I almost forgot about the insertion factor. You know, that unexplainable fear of something not just poking me with a large needle, but ACTUALLY REMAINING UNDER MY SKIN. This has long been a road block in my interest for a pump. I was pleasantly relieved when they placed the pod on the back of my arm, and the most painful part was waiting for the pod to strike. No pain. AT ALL. Heck, a finger stick was more painful than that.

The next day I was Pinged by Animas. Again the excitement almost surpassed the fear. We got to do the complete prep of filling the reservoir and rewinding the pump. I was totally fascinated, but as we pulled out the Inset 30 (the one with that really long needle), my fear returned in full force. This was different than the pod. The pod required no real work from me. I just awaited the needle. This one required that I cocked it like a GUN, aimed and shot myself with this device. I prepped it and held it up against my skin, feeling my face begin to redden. The trainer counted down to the count of 3.

3. 2. 1.

Nothing.

I couldn't do it. It's just not normal. I felt as though it was my first self-injection, surreal and invasive. I told the woman that I couldn't do it in the most serious tone. She answered back very up beat, "Sure you can!" WHAP! She nailed me on my back, and out of surprise I pushed down on the buttons. It was in before I even realized I did it. No pain, no discomfort, and no reason for that massive anxiety.

The rest of the day, I was flashing my site in triumph and playing around with every feature on the pump and ping I could figure out. With all the saline boluses, I was being seasoned like a ham. I played with it for a full day, and even had my first occasion to figure out where to put it in a dress. The ping makes that so easy! I hid it on the back of my bra and then bolused with the ping in my purse. No need to mess with the pump at all. VERY COOL!

Between the insertion sites and being attached to something 24/7, I had reservations. Now I'm having pump envy against all of you who wear a pump. The flexibility and control is unmatched by shots and pens. I still don't think I could do the pod pump, because I know I would lose the controller. If it's life saving AND ultra important, it doesn't stand a shot of staying around. The other pumps are now in serious running against each other for my love and affection. Now, if I can just get my doctor on board.

HOLY GUACAMOLE: A Recipe for Friends For Life

This month began with my first diabetes birthday and ended with my first CWD Friends For Life Conference. There could be no better name for such a life changing experience for anyone who is touched by Type 1 diabetes.

Children, parents, grandparents and adults, from more than a dozen countries, affected by this disease, gathered together and welcomed each other with open arms in a way I have never seen before. A family like no other, and I met the most amazing new friends as seen on Manny's blog.

Those friends and family who knew I was planning to attend this conference, never ceased to remind me that I am not a child OR a parent of a child with diabetes. Truth is, I didn't need to be. I shuffled around learning all kinds of lessons in both formal classes and from new friends. I have many stories to tell, but for now I'll leave you with just a few of the things I learned:

1. I'm not the only "young" adult with diabetes in the world... who knew!
2. The word Guacamole or Guac makes an excellent substitute for some other
unsavory words that might pass through my lips around innocent ears (Sorry
kids, if I slipped occasionally)
3. INSULIN PUMPS ROCK!!!!!
4. I must fire my dictator, I mean doctor.
5. Some people, like Sara, are really good at board walk games
6. And most importantly, I AM NOT ALONE.

Thank you to all those wonderful angels I met this past week!

In Honor of My Mother

Today, I just wanted to give love and thanks to my mother.

Throughout my life, she has picked me up when I have stumbled. She has believed in me when I have not. She has shaped and guided me through every obstacle and important decision. Even today at thirty, she still sees me as her little girl.

I know that motherhood is a beautiful thing. It fosters an unconditional love that is unlike anything else. I see that love come to light through my mother, with every glance she gives me, and every phone call I get at the glimpse of possible bad weather.
Every sacrifice she has made for me, both big and small is remembered. Like the way she cared for me after I came home from a 3 week hospital visit, after my appendix ruptured. She even drove to the store late one night in curlers, and a fur coat over her housecoat to satisfy my craving for Delta Gold potato chips when my appetite was pretty poor.

While sometimes I take her love for granted, or just don't realize her advice is coming from a place of love and protection, I always know that I am stronger for her being behind me through life.

Thank you mom, God has blessed my life with you. Happy Mother's Day!