Mission NaBloPoMo - Accomplished

I can't believe it. The end of November is here and so is NabloPoMo. This was a very interesting month for me, full of firsts. My first Diabetes Awareness Month with diabetes. It has included, fabulous events that were part of World Diabetes Day, that I witnessed through a host of many amazing bloggers. My first holiday season involving the balancing act of fun, food and insulin. My first blog and participation in NaBloPoMo. By getting involved with my own blog, I've felt a part of this wonderful online community. I even started participating in Diabetes 365!

Up until last month, I had lurked and maybe posted one or two comments. Now I have survived NaBloPoMo, and managed to post everyday throughout the month. It certainly wasn't easy! I'm so sorry if I've bored anyone with mindless ramblings to accomplish this. It has been good for me to stick with it, proving that I can finish something I have started. It has also made me feel less alone in struggling with the daily adjustments that surround the diabetes. I just want to say thanks to everyone out in the DOC.

Wine,Music & Fun

No time to blog today.
I'm off to hear incredible holiday Jazz, sip wine and eat cheese.
I love events like this on "school" nights!

"A Tool You Can Use"

Today, I received the latest edition of Diabetes Forecast, that I got with my ADA membership. I found the first article to be of particular interest.

Recently, Richard Kahn, Chief Scientific Officer of the American Diabetes Association, made many upsetting comments about diabetes and the usefulness of it's technology. He also questioned the need for home blood sugar testing for those diabetics not using insulin. Many outraged bloggers and PWDs called him out on this speech which did nothing in the name of advocacy for PWDs.

Well, Diabetes Forecast which is put out by the ADA, ran an article this month named, "A Tool You Can Use", by Christy L. Parkin. The whole article centered around the new doubt about home monitoring effectiveness. It sounds like a disclaimer to appease those of us who were outraged.
"The American Diabetes Association and other organizations recommend frequent use of SMBG by people who use insulin to treat their diabetes. However, in response to new research findings, some health care payers are beginning to question the value of SMBG in non-insulin treated diabetes....However, before we jump to any conclusions, we need to first take a closer look at the research studies that are driving the issue."

While the article makes excellent points about the studies and states, "SMBG is not a substitute for effective, aggressive diabetes management; it simply makes it possible.", I can't help but feel this was totally about damage control. It actually makes me angrier. Kahn seemed very self-righteous in his response to Amy Tenderich's blog statement about his speech. He made no attempt to clarify or change his opinion and HE REPRESENTS THE ADA (AND THEY REPRESENT US!!!)Now, it seems awfully hypocritical to publish an article giving way a little. I mean, do you think the insurance companies will listen to him when it comes to reimbursement or listen to a small article published by a writer in a magazine for PWDs.
I still plan to not support the ADA anymore. At least, not until Richard Kahn, and those who supposedly advocate for us, come out with statements and speeches that don't sound like the insurance companies wrote them!

Ornamental Additions

I broke down and put up Christmas decorations. I put up my tree with all my lights, and the I got out my ornaments. So many of my ornaments mark big events, like when I brought my baby girl(puppy) home or the dove ornament, I put up after my grand father died. It reminds me of the importance of the people and the moments that shape my life.

This year I added a new ornament. It's not very pretty, and looks rather displaced on the tree. It's not warm or shiny. It does not stand out among all the others and I'm OK with that.

My new ornament is the first insulin pen I was handed at the hospital. Now it is empty, and still has the faint odor of old band aids, but I kept it. It means something very important to me. It does not represent the beginning of a chronic illness/terrible disease, but the lifeline that saves me every day. If it were not for the insulin, my disease would not be chronic, but my life would be over. For this reason, I hold it in very high regard. Definitely a love/hate relationship, but I can never deny it's power or praise.

It is my one new addition to the tree and it represents my future.

Boredom Strikes Again

Today at work, I was somewhere between extremely busy and bored. Work seems to always come in waves. So, during my down time I got a little bored. In an attempt to cure my boredom, I mindlessly started playing connect the dots on my arms.


The dots of course are from my recent attempts at alternative site testing. Less pain, more waste, and more visibility. I have trouble getting enough blood to fill a strip, and it leaves those little red dots. Pretty sure it's not worth it, although my readings are much better.

I have to say it sort of resembles a face. Maybe?

To Decorate or Not To Decorate

Among all the things I had to get done this weekend, one thing purposely slipped my mind. I saw it everywhere though. All the Christmas decorations glimmering from homes, everywhere I turned. I feel like I've entered a mini Vegas. I think that while I was working on Friday, those that had the day off went running with glee and a lot of caffeine to get those massive decorations up that quickly.

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas and usually run to my decorations as well. I mean, with the amount of time it takes to get them up, I want to enjoy them as long as possible. This year is different though. I'm feeling a little Grinch. For one, I can't believe Christmas time has already come around again. Two, I've been working on Christmas ads for the last two months, so I'm already tired of the commercialism. Last, but not least, I just took down my Halloween decorations, so you can see where my priorities are.

This small decision is killing me though. I know it won't be the same without the decorations, but I just don't feel like putting them up. I'm giving myself two days to make the decision. To Decorate or Not to Decorate...that is the question.

What's The Score?

With the college football season winding down for most people, this weekend marks the only game I get emotional over. The Auburn- Alabama game.

My friends all come over to watch the game. As I am typing, the room is filled with the classic mix of yelling and frustration. No matter how many times I tell them that the players/coaches can't hear them through the TV, it only seems to encourage them to get louder. Of course, I'd be lying if I'd acted like I have not yelled a time a two tonight.

Which brings me to my point. It's the end of the game and I'm deliberately removing myself from the best part of the game. As all my excitement, anger and anxiety rose, apparently so did my blood sugar. Up until now, I had been restrained and did not par take in the pizza, chips and snacks. I'm still trying to make up for my Thanksgiving sins. In a wave of hunger, I decide to have a snack and I test. My score is 224. Stress? probably. So, I'm skipping the snack (much to the dismay of my stomach!) and benching myself from the game in an attempt to correct. I'm still not comfortable with correction boluses especially at night, so I'm arming myself with water and time. At least 'til I test again later.

BTW. I'm pretty sure we're going to win. WAR EAGLE!

Sweet Sound of Laughter

It was the sweet sound of laughter that rang throughout my Aunt's house yesterday. Kid's playing tag and running through the halls testing everyone else's balance. We adult's were sharing our own stories of work and play as we caught up with one another. Grievances and Thanksgiving War stories were traded and created. For instance, my mom argued with me for over 25 minutesm telling me my gas tank was empty. I actually had over half a tank, but she refused to lean over and check until we had arrived at our destination. Then she said she saw that I had gas, but of course refused to say she was wrong. Note One: Mothers are never wrong...don't even try to correct them.

Our family is quite small. There were only twelve of us, including the five children present. The food spread told a totally different story. We had enough food to feed an army, including a massive fried turkey, and a honey ham. Believe it or not, but there were not even leftovers. Our family CAN EAT!

Up until this year, the holidays have been a little tense. After losing both of my grandparents, the glue that held our family together seemed to fail. It was as if there was an emptiness, certainly not the same. This year that cloud lifted.

Everyone was at ease, and kids always seem to bring such new life and vibrance to the family. Especially the youngest. He is not even a year old, but had us all laughing 'til we hurt. He would rock back and forth and just smile so wide. I now consider him to be our little rock 'n roller.

Family can sometimes drain you, but this was soul satisfying. I am so thankful to have that time with them. With all that excitement, my blood sugars didn't even phase me. I survived my first official Holiday in grand form. Can't wait till Christmas.

Oh So Grateful!

A full day of Family, Food, Friends and Fried Turkey. I'm Happy and Exhausted.
I am also truly THANKFUL!

More to com later. Now, I'm off to bed early with work (and a diet!) waiting to wake me from my dreams. Clocking in at a wonderful 120 before my head hits the pillow.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Feast, Family, Fun?

Tomorrow is the day. Thanksgiving.

I'm grateful. Grateful for so many things. I'm even grateful that I was diagnosed with diabetes. Let me explain... I had a friend that died at diagnosis, just 1 month after I was diagnosed. That makes me appreciate my life a little more. Diabetes is also treatable, and for that I'm thankful.

I'm also a little melancholy. Things are different this year. My view of family, food and holidays have changed. I'm skeptical of how they will behave, how I will behave and also how my blood sugars will behave. Last Friday was my trial run that failed, and I'm not sure tomorrow will be better. But I hope.

I will make my cheesecake (again!) and drive my new car on a road trip for the first time. I will have my fiance and family to join me as I carefully dodge between getting a ticket, and making good time. Good company, good food and I determined to have a good time.

May all of you have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving holiday.

My First Meme

First Time to Be Tagged for A Meme
THANKS BETH!

The Rules:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.

1. God strayed from the basic floor plan when He made me, and it almost killed me. When I was nine, my appendix ruptured. It had been ruptured for days before I got to the hospital, but the only reason they admitted me was fever and dehydration. After many tests, the doc guessed and decided to open me up “in case” it was my appendix. By that time, serious infection had already set in. The reason they didn’t find it sooner? It was directly behind my stomach, and the ultrasound couldn’t see it.

2. I had the amazing opportunity to travel overseas last summer. I got to spend a week in Israel, right after they started bombing Lebanon. In fact, we saw fireworks of the dangerous kind. We were surrounded by young girls and boys (children really) with guns everywhere due to even the regular political turmoil. In the midst of all that, it was the most calm and peaceful I’ve felt anywhere. Especially n Jerusalem. I hadn’t expected to get that attached to a place, but I will definitely return with anticipation!

3. I looked like a vampire until I was twelve. I was born without the teeth in between my front teeth and canines. So for a while all you could really see was my pointy teeth. Over 2 1/2 years spent in braces to pull them all together, so now I have no eye teeth. Did I mention my gene pool is shallow.

4. I went to school on a musical theatre scholarship, but was told by my parents that I could not major in it. So I majored in art instead. I got BFA in Painting, having never taken any art classes before. I have always loved to draw though. My parents were thrilled...NOT!

5. I have the bad tendency of stopping watches. I don’t know how. I wear them for a little while, and they spontaneously stop. I take them off and a few days later, they’re ticking again. The batteries are always good too. My co-worker put up a sign above my desk that says “You have entered the Bermuda Triangle”
That might be a good reason to avoid getting a pump.

6. I secretly am addicted to the show, Lisa Williams: Life Among the Dead. I’m usually really skeptical about psychics and mediums, but she has me believing. Now, I sometimes wonder if loved ones, are around during inappropriate moments. That kind of freaks me out.

7. Not so fun note. I have a stalker. I have had to move three times to get away from him. I even have my parents address on my license, so I can’t be traced that way. Protection order and everything. This is the reason for not having my picture posted. My name is also a variation of my real name. Sorry guys, not trying to mislead.

I'm tagging a few D365ers and Jeff
Daena, Jennifer, Chris, Naomi,and Michelle
Wait that's six.. Oh well.

Numbers Even When I Dream

Oh the stress.

I admit it. I have the tendency to stretch myself a little too thin. Among my many projects, wedding planning and my regular work, I am currently illustrating a book. Not just any kind of book either. It's a math book, and it is proving to be quite the challenge.

It's certainly not the kind of project I would normally do, so I'm a little out of my element. The author wants me to help make the book "approachable" and easy to read. Did I mention, it's for an adult audience...not a child.

Throughout the process, I have been swimming in numbers. OK, maybe drowning would be a little more accurate. Between my blood sugar checks, my carb counting and the book, I am now seeing numbers everywhere. I close my eyes and they move past me like on the Jumbo trons at games. It's almost like when I became obsessed with Tetris, and I began seeing the falling pieces when I tried tried to sleep. Only now it's the numbers.

As I'm staring at the pages of the book, my brain starts to interpret it as some kind of archaic language that I am TOTALLY not meant to understand. In fact, I think I might need a break from my computer screen, since my eyes are beginning to cross. I need to stop and eat dinner, but you know what that would mean....

Party Time

Friday night was my first holiday party involving insulin. I must admit it put quite a damper on my enjoyment that evening. I kept a running tally of what I was eating, how many carbs, and other items running through the back of my mind all evening.

I decided to not shoot up until I was seated for the main meal. That meant all my appetizers were more on the protein/nut variety. I figured that would be OK. When I tested, right before I dosed, I was unbelievably at 189. I corrected and under bolused in case I was too full to eat a lot.

Most everything at the table was a carb nightmare...honey glazed sweet potatoes, home style mash potatoes, corn salad, of course my mac'n cheese and SO MUCH MORE. I thought I did very well while showing great restraint. After all, I didn't dive into the table like I really wanted to. Most of the foods served, have been TOTALLY TABOO since diagnosis. I even only ate just one cookie for dessert. Overall I was very proud...until I tested.

I was trying not to test during the party, just like how I didn't want to take more than 1 shot. I would think about it, but I always found myself in the middle of a great conversation or a funny joke. I finally tested when T. and I got in the car. I was 445. What!?! I know I didn't eat THAT much.

A few weeks ago, I was staying low a lot, and recently the numbers have been creeping upward again. But 445 is ridiculous. I corrected when I got home, but afraid I might go low later in the night, I was conservative with the insulin. When I awoke on Saturday, I was 385 with ketones. Thirsty and cotton mouthed, I drank loads of water and took my insulin. I finally came down to 178 before lunch, but was back in the 300s after. Frustrated, I stayed in the 250-300s all day.

This morning I awoke at 225 and have managed to get the number down to 150. Hopefully, it will stay that way! Needless to say, maybe next party I will learn to be less self-concious, and just keep a closer eye on things. Live & learn.

Terrible Networking issues

In light of my unknown, but terribly frustrating networking issues, I am posting quickly for NaBloPoMo. I can just see myself getting into a long post and it cutting off again!

Race to the Holidays

Today officially begins the race toward the holidays. Parties, food, family & friends come and go in what looks like the scenery from a subway train. These are also the days, I can feel my wallet getting lighter as I buy food and gifts for all. Days that I typically live for. I hardly ever get to cook for the masses, and I firmly believe it is WAY more fun to give than to get.


Tonight is a good old fashion Thanksgiving among friends, before we are all pulled away to our families. And while I prepare myself to look my best tonight, my preparation actually began last night at the supermarket. It was my first of many bulk shopping extravaganzas that had to be done at Costcos. Cheese and pasta for massive homemade mac'n cheese, cream cheese for the cake. All in amounts that might carry me through to next weeks parties. As I stroll through the crowd, I see all the lights, and hear the Christmas music echoing. I think to myself, I really need to finish taking down the Halloween decorations (sh!!! don't tell)! I pass the pre-made pies and I'm tempted, but I pass by as I head to the checkout ready to be on my way home.

I cooked my food, and now they are packed and ready to head to my friends. I am dressed and have everything in place ready to make a smooth exit. In fact this year, I am armed with something extra. I tiny little insulin pen that falls to the very bottom of my purse. I am also armed with a glucose meter and new strips. I feel prepared to handle my first holiday meal, with copious amounts of food. There will be grazing, sinful sides and glorious desserts. I wonder, when do I give the insulin? Before the meal at the appetizers? Maybe during the main meal. What about before the desserts which I'm sure will send me skyrocketing. I don't typically eat large meals, especially not ones that will last for hours. Do I take more than one shot, and chance stacking? Tonight will be a testing ground, and I'm so grateful to have my fiance there with me, keeping a watchful eye, in case I get overzealous with the insulin. Jokingly he reassures me that the result of such bolusing, only means more cake, and that can't be bad. I love him for that.

Here I go on the first on many holiday events, and I must admit I'm a little nervous.

WDD - The Aftermath

I must admit, I spent a good bit of my day hopping around many websites and blogs that shared their experiences of World Diabetes Day. My "to check" list was long, and I found myself taking every stolen opportunity at work. Wait for a file to open....read a blog. Wait for a program to open or a file to save...view photos in video slide show.

I find myself pulled into it, this day of awareness, these people determined to see things change for the better. The ironic sense of sadness shared with great hope and determination poured through D-bloggers' posts today. I felt connected and only wished I could have been a part of it. I wish I could have been an advocate or an event coordinator. This incredibly strong, call to action pulled me in this week. A cause that had not even crossed my mind 6 months ago. A disease I knew absolutely nothing about, and now all the people touched by this disease seem so close and so important. Everyone else...so vulnerable to it.

All yesterday, the closest I came to WDD was through papers, TV news and the web. I found what I was looking for on the Internet. Stories, photos, and amazing spectacles of blue filled me with hope for the future. I was disheartened though, by the fact I heard the mention of it no where else.

On the local news, I heard about national adoption month. On the national news channels, I heard about presidential campaigns swallowing yet another foot, political turmoil in Pakistan, and a child's suicide that was caused by another girl's vengeful parents. NO WDD. nothing. not a blue light in a photo, or a proclamation or a march. In fact, I've heard more about "going green" this month than diabetes awareness month. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive about it.

Here I am all geared up for this phenomenal event, years in the making, and no one around me shares my excitement. I told my mom about it, and she said, " That's nice honey." Clearly not interested, but polite. On the Internet, the support seems endless, and then I am rudely reminded, that I am alone in this. In truth, I can say I would not have known or probably cared if my circumstances had not changed. It seems you truly have to be touched in some important way to get involved this emotionally.

Now, I am more determined than ever to do something. anything. I just want to get involved. I want the me from six months ago and all those who were just like me to understand the seriousness, the growth, and misconceptions of this worldwide epidemic. It is just too important not to. I know all too well, that diabetes does not discriminate. If it can happen to me, with a practically 0% chance of getting it, it can happen to ANYONE at ANY TIME. Now I just have to figure out how.

WORLD DIABETES DAY

A day created to reflect, teach, learn and inspire.

May there be many more days of awakening to come.

Supporting Diabetes Technology

One day, I hope to be able to use an insulin pump and CGM system, without hassle from my insurance co. or bankruptcy. I know that while technology alone will not save me from complications or ill health, I firmly believe for me and those who are motivated to have better control of their health, it is a blessing. Money should never be a hindrance to better care.

In an effort to help support the continuation of research and coverage for technology in the realm of diabetes, I urge everyone fill out this survey. Go to Support Diabetes Technology , and show your support. Amy T of Diabetes Mine has once again rallied the troops to stand up for a better standard of care. Thanks Amy!

Test strips...$100, Insulin pump...$6,000, Quality of Life...PRICELESS.

Ode to a Day Without Regrets

While everyday is beautiful, days like today don't come around very often.

I woke up right on time, alert and ready to start my day. Certainly not the usual struggle to drag myself out of bed. Not even a second late for work.

Work came and went without any anxiety of a normal Monday. I didn't even have the urge to break into my snack drawer for "energy".

I had no traffic or wrecks to contend with on my way home, and now, I am lazily lounging with my dog in front of a warm fire.

Not one bruise from a shot. Not one low or even high blood sugar.

I cherish days like this, but I know if everyday went this well, days like this wouldn't be so special.

"Of All The Things..."

"Of all the things I ever worried about happening to you, well... I just KNEW diabetes was not one of them."

My mom said it to me again today. She has probably uttered those exact words 25 times or more since I was diagnosed. I'm sure she will say them many more times in the future.

Today those words were sparked by a conversation we have every year.
"What are you bringing to Thanksgiving Dinner this year?"
"I'm not sure...probably my beloved cheesecake, or some kind of dessert", I said.

Every year the family travels out of town to have the holiday with the rest of my family. My Aunt, cousins and their kids are all in attendance. It's been tradition since my grandparents were alive, and we still continue it.
I asked mom what she was cooking, and she answered," I don't know, what can you eat? Aunt V also wants to know if she needs to prepare something special. Do you really think you should bring a dessert? You can't even eat that, can you?"

I was speechless, but not because I was angry or mad. This disease has had a huge impact on my mom as well as me, but I became aware that this holiday will be different. Maybe not bad, but different. Everyone knows. Will they stare? Will they ask questions? Will they pretend they don't know?

When things happen in families, there are always whispered words behind closed doors. I know, because I usually hear about them when they are about me. "Mandy looks too thin, is she eating well? etc..." This time words have taken a weird turn.

I should start out by saying, my mom's denial has actually been much greater than mine. "We just don't have any of that in our family. You're not a kid...that only happens to kids. I've NEVER heard of anyone who takes insulin having to take more than one shot a day. You have always eaten too much candy" She is by definition that ignorant/large part of the population who just doesn't know about the disease. I was like that too, BEFORE. She, for awhile, had me truly questioning my DX. She had me thinking I was a type 2, regardless of my weight, lifestyle or test results.

My Aunt has apparently joined that type 2 bandwagon. "She can't have type 1, surely she can just cut back on her sugar intake." And her best quote (with good intentions I'm sure), "Is insulin really necessary? Don't you think that might be taking it a bit too far. It can't be that serious. She just needs to eat more protein." This was not long after I was released from the hospital after more than a weeks stay.

I love them both, and I know they mean well. After today's conversation, I don't know that I feel comfortable around them anymore, especially at a holiday like Thanksgiving where it's all about the food. Diabetes had not actually crossed my mind in reference to family and the holiday season until my mom brought up making special provisions for me. Now it is filling me with trepidation.

Singled out. Embarrassed. Now, not quite sure what to expect.
"Of All The Things..."

365 Delayed

I have to say, I'm feeling inspired. My inspiration? All of the wonderful people snapping photos for the diabetes365 project. It's an amazing photo graphical representation of what it means to live with diabetes.

In my excitement of finally deciding to participate, I started a Flicker account. I also charged the batteries for my camera and was ready to snap my first shot. I have to admit it was hard to take one shot only. I became aware of all these everyday D-related photo ops. Kinda scary, but now this is what I call my life.

As I got my computer ready to upload and officially join the project, I was upset to see my computer cable and card reader were at work. Skunked again! This has not deterred me, but only delayed me.

If you haven't seen the site, please do...I repeat, It's amazing.
http://projectdiabetes365.com/

In Honor of D-Blog Day

I will be simple & to the point.

I am different, but I am the same.
I am sick, but I am well.
I have lost control, but I am in control.
I have been hurt, but I have no scars.
I am alone, but I am joined by many.

These are just a few of the dichotomies that diabetes have placed in my life. I'm sure there will be more in the future.
INSULIN IS NOT A CURE.

Something Simple.

Tonight as I headed out for my afternoon run, I encountered something simple and powerful. A smell. It was the scent from some trees that breezed by me as I ran.

It was an odd smell, a little unpleasant even. It was certainly recognizable though. It some how sparked my brain to reminisce about the tree outside of my dorm room in college. We closed that window many a night in order to avoid that peculiar smell.

That wasn't the only memory either. The strangest flashback to the floor common room, where we were having a daquiri party before a concert. Then I recall Amy, a very witty, pretty girl who lived on our floor. She hung out with us a lot, but it wasn't until that night that I saw her pull out a black vinyl case, a bottle of insulin and a syringe. She didn't measure her glucose, she just filled the syringe with insulin in the room and gave her self a hip shot. I remember being amazed that after all that time I had known her, I didn't know she was diabetic. I also remember thinking the syringe was really small. Then nothing, I never asked her about it, or even gave it a second thought until tonight.

Now I'm dwelling on it a little. I know the fact that she was so matter of fact about it made it easy to dismiss. Even after I was diagnosed, I could think of no one, no encounter, no sense of every being touched by the disease until tonight. Now I wonder how it affected her back then. I wonder if I should have enquired about it or if it would have been prying and innappropriate. I can't believe I didn't even remember it, until something as simple as a smell reminded me. I am now on the other side of the coin, but it made me rethink the role of friends of PWDs. To acknowledge or not.

I wonder what she is doing now. I think about the fact, that back then, I never would have imagined that I would have this in common with her. I was so clueless, and somehow that distrurbs me. I was like so many people today who walk around among us, completely oblivious of the hardships of people living with chronic disease. It is all too clear how silent and sneaky this disease is. You may only catch a glimpse of it by spying someone with the paraphenalia or see it's effects in a complication.

Now I know and now I remember... all thanks to a simple scent in the air.

Unvelievable

That is the only word that came to mind after reading a post today from Amy Tenderich at diabetesmine.com. It was concerning a speech given by the head of the ADA, Richard Kahn.

After reading his speech and checking out some discussions in the forum "Type 1 Adults" at (of all places) diabetes.org, I am appalled. Richard Kahn, a prominent and important person in the diabetic community,labeled as an "advocate", basically questioned the need for current advancements in things like insulin pumps and CGMS systems. It seems people would do better if doctors simply reminded them to take their medicine, instead of prescribing or developing new drugs to enhance long term outcomes. He also questioned the need for type 2s on diet or oral medications to test their blood sugar on a daily basis. Such wreckless comments are ignorant and offensive to all those who struggle with or are affected by diabetes. I think HE SHOULD BE ASHAMED!

I understand that as long as capitalism in the medical industry exists, it creates a very real reason to postpone finding a cure. After all, things like gouging people with the cost of test strips, would be obsolete after the disease is eradicated. All the companies invested in development would lose it's market and it would be farewell to this cash cow. This is in a way it's own conflict of interest. Having said that, I do not think that while we wait for a cure, we should be subject to a lower quality of life. Without advancing tools and treatments (regardless of the price), you are punishing those who are not lucky enough to live to see the cure. THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE. If there are ways to make this burden more bearable, with hope of a better outcome for our future, there should be no question as to whether or not they are financially worth it. A message doubting this (especially from the head of the ADA), could potentially hurt all of the progress people have already made with insurance companies over things like coverage of the pump.

This irresponsible behaviour should not be tolerated and I suggest that everyone keep checking Amy's site for a petition she is creating. We can't let this go!

Turning Back the Clock

I turned back all my clocks this weekend including my dvd player, my alarm,my stereo and my watch. I even struggled with the clock in my new car, since I am too stubborn to read the manual. I thought I had all my ducks in a row, until I tested this morning at my bedside.

Early in the morning, I awake with sleepy eyes before my alarm sounded. Still dark, I rolled over and grabbed my test kit. I tested, and was feeling very pleased with my number of 99, until I focused on the number indicating the time. A wave of panic overtook me as I feared I had overslept, and this was obviously the reason I had heard no alarm.

I sprint to the shower, and literally beat my quickest time of 10 minutes. I dress, brush my teeth, put on my contacts and finally brush my soaking wet hair. Quickly, I grab my makeup (to be applied on the way to work) and my dog to let her outside. As I enter the den, my contacts focus my eyes on the DVD player. I was not late. I was early, and was just dressed in time to hear my alarm go off upstairs.

Silly, silly me. I had not even thought about changing the times on my meters. Honestly, I didn't realize I was paying any attention to the number corresponding to the time. Just another way diabetes rears it's ugly head. I wonder if anyone else has had this happen.

The Finish Line

Life is often filled with tasks and challenges that either you choose or you don't. Every now and then, I will look forward and take note of all the races I'm involved in and wonder if I will be able to cross those finish lines.

For some tasks, like my upcoming wedding, stress is mixed with boundless excitement which makes the time pass much too fast. For something like NaBloPoMo it is harder on some days than others, but it is always an achievable goal. For my first real marathon I'm training for, I have peaks and valleys of accomplishments, which make all the pain and tiredness feel so empowering. Sometimes finishing well for me, is just getting through a long day of work to be greeted my dog's sweet face.

Diabetes however is a much different animal. It is not a sprint, but a marathon. One I can honestly not imagine finishing. The doctors say FOREVER or until they find a cure. I can't even grasp the concept of forever and chronic disease. For those who have lived with this for years, I applaud you. I have not been at this long, and with every day that passes, I feel more confused, frustrated and even defeated than I felt the day before. I wonder how you finish a race, when it is so easy to get lost. I have in one day been at a blood sugar of 365 and also 67. I have lowered doses and increased them with no avail. It still feels like it should be like any other illness. You take your prescribed meds and you get better. I wonder when reality sets in, or does it?

I intend on crossing the finish line of every task that is put before me. It makes it harder when you have no idea how far away that line is. Regardless, I will set my pace slow in an effort to make through the long haul that is diabetes, however long it takes.

Pancreatic Resuscitation?

Dare I dream? STOP THE FUNERAL! IT'S ALIVE!!!! Frankenstein has nothing on me!

I'm starting to think my pancreas has come back from the picket line and the strike is over. That or maybe it's the cold weather. maybe it's the honeymoon? I'm not sure, but something strange is going on.

About a month ago, I had another C-peptide test, which came out miserably low. Now, I'm thinking someone has shocked my beta cells back to life. For about two weeks I have been running low staying within 60-90 (not counting the readings after consuming massive Halloween candy). I have always been extremely insulin sensitive, so my over all dose is around 14 units a day. Now I've lowered that to just 8. For that I'm greatful, but perplexed.

Last night with no insulin with dinner at all, I had a low of 40 a few hours after! WTF?!! As I checked my meter, it told my in the last two weeks I've has 8 highs and 14 lows. 14!!!! That's ridiculous. Most of them, like last night, I had no sign or warning. I just tested on my normal schedule and was floored with the result. This morning I woke up at a beautiful number of 72. After my coffee I was 164. I'm so confused. Is this the honeymoon or maybe my pancreas is playing tricks on me, exploiting it's dysfunction and random hiccups. It's so easy to think that it will continue to work without that added help of the extra insulin. For now, I choose to be optimistic and carefully continue to lower my doses. Only time will tell.

A Cold Walk in the Morning

Every Saturday morning, my good friend & I take a 5 mile walk in the woods at 7am. Yes, I said 7AM. It sounds crazy (and it's a little hard after a wonderful late night out), but surprisingly there are lots of other people partaking in our insanity. Except this morning, because it was COLD!

Ever since I started working the regular full time job, the seasons get lost on me. By September, I'm still still feeling like I'm in June. Then when fall comes, I become in love with spending extra time outdoors. I'm enchanted with something about the smell, and the crispness in the air. Fall seems to come to later these days and doesn't stay very long. Example this morning, when I woke up to a 42 degree temp. outside.

With hands cold and stiff, and noses running we walked anyway. The usual traffic was gone, and others had thought it better to stay warm under the covers. We walked in our insanity alone, and all I could think was that fall is coming to an end. I guess it's appropriate with the time change this weekend, but it left me slightly melancholy. I'm sure when I hit the store later today, I will hear and see Christmas everywhere. Where does the time go?

Knit's a Ball

In preparation for another crazy weekend, I have recently discovered a very relaxing past time. Knitting. Never mind the occasional reminder of a blood sugar check that culminates in a sore finger. Yes, it's true as I knit and pearl, I can feel the blue hairs growing on the top of my head.

Tonight however, I'm putting down the knitting needle and picking up my high heels for a wonderful night out with my fiance. He travels so much, it makes nights when he is home that much more special. Time to act my age!

Trying New Things

It's true. I did it. I joined the NaBloPoMo movement.

The challenge: to blog everyday in the month of November.

I'm excited! I'm forcing myself to focus, leave behind my ADD ways and STICK TO SOMETHING.

Ready ...Set...Go!

Today is also the beginning of National Diabetes Awareness month which includes the Unite for For Diabetes Day on Nov. 14th. It's so exciting to see the happenings going on to help raise awareness and eliminate this disease.

I'm dumbstruck when I think about all the little things that concerned me on a daily basis just one year ago, compared to now. Diabetes was a word that had no meaning to me. Now it crosses my path daily as a necessity, not to mention all the personally invested time dedicated to that one word. I now know probably more than most doctors about the disease and it's management. I have become a dedicated reader to some truly amazing blogs written by some absolutely inspiring people. I have engaged myself and created a blog (which still shocks me!) and joined networking sites to communicate with others who understand. I have raised money and walked for a cure.

Diabetes is a terrible thing, but it has empowered me. I now take charge of the things in my life, like never before. I have grown and seen a side of life to which I was previously blind. It has introduced me to some incredible people, and for these things I am grateful. It's amazing the difference one year or one event can make.