Monday, November 5, 2007

The Finish Line

Life is often filled with tasks and challenges that either you choose or you don't. Every now and then, I will look forward and take note of all the races I'm involved in and wonder if I will be able to cross those finish lines.

For some tasks, like my upcoming wedding, stress is mixed with boundless excitement which makes the time pass much too fast. For something like NaBloPoMo it is harder on some days than others, but it is always an achievable goal. For my first real marathon I'm training for, I have peaks and valleys of accomplishments, which make all the pain and tiredness feel so empowering. Sometimes finishing well for me, is just getting through a long day of work to be greeted my dog's sweet face.

Diabetes however is a much different animal. It is not a sprint, but a marathon. One I can honestly not imagine finishing. The doctors say FOREVER or until they find a cure. I can't even grasp the concept of forever and chronic disease. For those who have lived with this for years, I applaud you. I have not been at this long, and with every day that passes, I feel more confused, frustrated and even defeated than I felt the day before. I wonder how you finish a race, when it is so easy to get lost. I have in one day been at a blood sugar of 365 and also 67. I have lowered doses and increased them with no avail. It still feels like it should be like any other illness. You take your prescribed meds and you get better. I wonder when reality sets in, or does it?

I intend on crossing the finish line of every task that is put before me. It makes it harder when you have no idea how far away that line is. Regardless, I will set my pace slow in an effort to make through the long haul that is diabetes, however long it takes.

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